Friday, March 6, 2009

A Memory of Autumn

I visited my dear friend Corby today at her blog Alae and read her beautiful post...it brought back the memory of something I had experienced and it all came flooding back to me...a 'moment in a memory' as I called it.

And as it is now early Autumn or Fall here, the days have a familiar feeling to them, to that time which I will relate to you... when the days are getting shorter, the mornings and evenings are cooler, something which I welcome and the sun is getting lower in the sky.

It was a morning in late Autumn, in the month of May when I was walking along a path that I had taken so many times before, past many trees, some evergreen and others deciduous which were now stark branches naked of their colourful autumn foliage.

It was very cold, the sky was a bright clear blue but I could still feel some warmth from the sun as it beamed in the sky touching everything with a slight golden hue, including me. I walked along observing my surroundings and some of the time lost in my thoughts like we all do, when something stopped me and interrupted my meditation.

There were some leaves of many autumn hues, golden, orange and russet swirling around just above the surface of the gray road, for a slight breeze had picked them up and they moved in circles swirling around being moved by the breeze, it would let them rest for a few seconds then pick them up again and continue with their merry dance, moving in one direction then another back and forth.

I watched with amazement at this colourful display of movement until they had all been dispersed and disappeared just like the breeze and now rested amongst and blended in with the many other leaves of colour beside the road; I thought how beautiful this is, a moment in time that I shall probably never see again.
I felt something welling up inside me, from deep within, something that was familiar but something I had not felt in such a long time and as I felt a lump in my throat and the tears filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks I realised what I feeling was happiness...
I cried and dropped slowly to the ground, I sobbed but I didn't realise why until I felt the release of so much pent up sadness...
I had not realised until this very moment that it had been such a long time since I had felt happiness...as sadness seeps into us slowly and unknowingly over time, when life's disappointments bring us down, it is not something we can touch, it is not tangible but it is there just the same and we can feel it eating away at us.

I love Autumn for all of the reasons I have described and hope one day I will see the leaves dancing again, for that moment to me was profound and defining, as I realised when life and people let you down you can always look to nature for beauty and some much needed happiness.

26 comments:

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Yes, there is much happiness in nature and it teaches us to always look forward to the coming season not dwell on seasons past.

Little Lamb said...

That's what we don't get in Florida is the changing of the leaves. Those leaves can be so beautiful in fall.

I don't miss it all that much for the simple reason that would mean winter is coming. I don't miss the snow. But my favorite seasons were fall and spring, when I had the 4 seasons when I lived in New York.

/t. said...

another
nice work, dianne

those moments of truth
are so rare and memorable,
and the ones that matter come invariably from nature -- "treasuries of the snow" (book of job)

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

boneman said...

kind'a like the Spirit of Autumn speaking to you, giving you a moment of pure joy.
How nice....even if, please forgive me, I don't relish where your weather is going.

Ah, I'm so over Winter and cold and damp!
Too much cold this year like you folks had too little rain.

dianne said...

Thanks dear j cosmo
yes there is much to be learned from nature and the seasons and we should look forward, but sometimes it is good to look back for inspiration and see how much we have grown. ♡

dianne said...

Thanks dear Lil Lambie
hard to imagine a little lamb like you in that big city of New York. ♡

I wouldn't miss the kind of winters you get in some states in your country, I have never experienced cold like that here. ♡

dianne said...

Thank you dear /t.

yes moments like that are rare,
maybe once in a lifetime but you
never forget them,they touch your soul and it is such a wonderful
feeling of release from sadness.
It was difficult to describe only
I can really appreciate how I felt but I was overwhelmed by the experience.
I can assure you I don't usually
fall to the ground sobbing. :-)

yes Book of Job
Treasuries of the Snow
Chapter 38: verses 19 to 30 ♡

dianne said...

Yes Boney dear,
pure joy, maybe it was the Spirit of Autumn speaking to me, lifting the load of sadness I was carrying within me, a sadness brought on by too much bad news, a sick child, losing my Mother and trying to mend a broken heart. ♡

I don't mind Winter here where I live, no blizzards, snow storms and freezing temperatures like you get and this Winter as you say has been exceptionally cold.
You must be looking forward to the warmer days of Spring.

But all Seasons bring their gifts... beautiful Autumn leaves,snowflakes in Winter, new growth and life in Spring and Summer days to enjoy the bounty of grasses and leafed trees.
My Winters are mild, we have cold winds, frosts, rain and hail but the temperature rarely drops below 40degrees F. ♡

Photo Glyn said...

" as I realised when life and people let you down you can always look to nature for beauty and some much needed happiness"

For sure Dianne, it's why landscape means so much to me, the escapism (from all the stupidities in life) is about taking happiness from the simplest of forms, colours, movements and smells,but it's not the place that matters as much - for instance, when I'm photographing landscapes abroad, I am nevertheless drawn to subjects which are familiar to me, sunlight reflecting off sparkling waves, hot rocks buried in soft sand, wind blowing in my face on an exposed cliff top - If we take this notion about what landscape means to us, even further, then we can understand that almost all of it is mostly a series of triggers to past emotions and past memories. If landscape (or your leaves) ever once made you happy before, then even it times of sadness it becomes like an old friend, a comfort, in my case often literally a rock!

The beauty about this is, that no matter where we are, as long as we have access to the escapist 'zones' whatever they may be to the individual, then we can always find and touch happiness?

dianne said...

Thank you dear Glyn , you are so sweet and so knowing.
I would like your career.
I love that you notice so many things in nature, so do I, I see the subtle nuances of beauty in nature and so many things, most that others would overlook, all that you described in your comment.

I have always loved nature... meadows, trees, looking up into the canopy and watching the sunlight shining through, sea grasses,listening to the waves as they crash on the shore, the sea air, rocks the list could go on.
I know that feeling when a colour, a fragrance in the air, something we see can trigger emotions and memories from the past, they are comforting and as you say just like an old friend.
Yes I'm sure my leaves were from the past, I can remember climbing a tree as a girl at a friends beautiful garden and I collected some coloured leaves, do you know I can still smell their fragrance after all of this time...a time when I was happy.
And I still have some autumn leaves in a box from the day my daughter graduated from University 'with honours', that was a happy day. ♡

foam said...

I'm happiest when i'm out in nature ..

nature is such a wonderful source of inspiration. your beautiful poem here is a wonderful example.

i have to admit that it took a while for my brain to wrap itself around the
may=fall concept .. :)

today i hope to be out and about.
last weekend we had our snowstorm and it dumped a goodly amount of snow. today it's supposed to get up to 75F or 23C ... yay ...

dianne said...

Me too my dear Foamie ,all of those beautiful trees, rocks, streams, rivers and beaches, all inspiring.
I loved that photo of where you go for your walks, such a beautiful place, so many lovely trees and bushes and where you holiday at the beach.
Yes nature certainly has a lot to offer.

The May=fall concept, yes we are all back the front with our seasons, your June brides would be getting married in Summer and ours would be getting married in Winter.

I have a clock here on my desk with Indiana time and the temperatures in Fahrenheit, its actually 75F here now at almost one in the morning and I feel quite warm so I hope you get your warm day, no snowstorms.

I spent most of the afternoon at the hospital as my elderly Dad had a fall and completely snapped one rib and fractured another...they are keeping him in hospital for a couple of days, then maybe to a rehab. hospital...gosh what a fun week its been.
Anyway you have a great weekend, I missed you when you didn't come over earlier wondered if you were OK.
I hope the blood pressure is still normal, had mine taken at the doctors yesterday 110/69, that's not bad is it for such a stress head like me? ♡

foam said...

dianne ..
your blood pressure is great!
i'm sorry about your dad.
i know how that goes.
i've dealt with several fractures and one broken hip with my mother.

The Phosgene Kid said...

Spring is a lot like Fall, except if you kill any animals Fish and Game folks haul you off to jail. On the bright side opening day of fishing is right around the corner.

puerileuwaite said...

That's why I believe in the importance of exposing myself to nature. Despite the objections of the authorities.

dianne said...

Thanks dear Foamie
yes you do know how it goes
with parents and their needs.
Fractures a broken hip and all
of the rest...
I was surprised my blood pressure
was so normal for a lot of the
time I feel like I am going to
explode...
I hope you had a good day. ♡

dianne said...

Yes Phossy
Spring and Autumn are my favourite seasons.
I don't do any hunting nor do I do any fishing leave it to you guys, I'm just happy to sit in a boat on a lake, listen to the sounds,take in the scenery, the reflections and run my fingers through the cool water, that's what I enjoy. ♡

dianne said...

Hello Puggles my sweet
I was starting to wonder if you
were OK. X
Yes it is nice to expose yourself
to nature but it depends on what
you are exposing, maybe you should
join a naturist or nudist colony sweet thing then you can expose all. ;-) ♡

Corby said...

Giant (((hugs))) glad to hear I could inspire that bit of happiness back into your life. You deserve it!

-Corby

dianne said...

Many (((hugs))) to you sweet Corby it was your phrase "that maybe there was a hidden alcove of joy in me" that was an awakening to my memory and it brought tears to my eyes as I read your post and I remembered what had happened to me. ♡
Thank you so much Corby, I always find your writing full of beauty and inspiring and I hope that you find the happiness that you most definitely deserve. ♡

The Phosgene Kid said...

Won't have much fish to eat just sitting in the boat. Of course if you brought beer, sitting in the boat can be entertaining. Some of our fishing forays were pretty much sitting in the boat anyway, come to think of it. We had it all planned and brought all the right gear, but forgot to invite the fish.

dianne said...

Phossy dear, who cares about the fish not biting.
Its nice just sitting in a boat on a lovely Autumn or Spring Day...on a tranquil lake, there are so many beautiful sights, sounds and smells if you are close to the forest.
Lay back and look at the sky listen to the water as it gently laps the boat and the cool water feels lovely against your skin. ♡

boneman said...

well, dang. I came over thinking there would be something new here.
You were going on about e-mails and such.

I am thinking of getting another account, probably with a different company.
Getting a bit miffed with MSN.

dianne said...

well dang, I'm sorry you wasted your time, nothing new over here but there will be presently...

beautiful avatar by the way.

Good luck with that new e-mail account, I hope that works for you. ♡

foam said...

well dang .. i just came by to saaay ..
good morning? ;)
it's almost good night for me over here ..
yawwwwwwn ..
hmm..
maybe i'll have a glass of wine before i retire.

dianne said...

well dang...Foamie dear its lovely to see you over here, how thoughtful of you to wish me good morning. ;)

I will say Goodnight to you, enjoy your glass of wine and have a restful nights sleep. ♡