Friday, March 13, 2009

I am lost ... I am alone


I am lost...

Every road I have taken has brought me to this place in my life...

I feel that somewhere along this journey when I reached the crossroads I chose the wrong path

I have had glimpses into this world which could have been

A life that I would have chosen

Got so close I could almost touch it

Always just beyond my reach

Having seen it I wanted it more

But so far it has eluded me...

So I wait...and want...alone...

35 comments:

findingmywingsinlife said...

I am going to try to send you an email here in a bit, keep your chin up!

findingmywingsinlife said...

Well, you don't have an email listed, would you mind sending me one? april_gerard@yahoo.com. I'd like to share something with you :)

boneman said...

don't wait for what you want to walk by.
If you do that, you'll forever sit there and cry.
Go out and search, get out and go.
Nothing comes for free, this you know.
Stop sitting there waiting to grow wings with which to fly.

/t. said...

nice pic, dianne

a beautiful place(!)

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

K9 said...

au contraire, mon frere. i say you are one with amazing insight. try not to regret, it steals happiness from the now. and you are most definitely not alone. xo K9

foam said...

you are one with amazing insight. i agree with the dawg up there on that one .. :)
you are sensitive and caring ..
and right now you need to not worry about what could have been ..
but go forward ..

i know it's terribly cliche ..
but do the
"i am woman here me roar"
thingie ..

Photo Glyn said...

I am sure most of us think about "what if" but the reality is that we are already en route, we choose our paths so rapidly but on every path there are so often amazing things to discover. Many others will be envying some of the delights you've had on your path, even the fact that you have had the love of a father, and a father to love. The very fact you are grieving means you've had the most amazing benefit of parental love - many will not have.

We are always so much better off than many others. Celebrate that your Dad has helped to create the beautiful emotions within you that you so often share with us! XX

Ruela said...

nice place for a picnic ;)

dianne said...

Oh Boney I appreciate your lovely poem but I'm not sure that I want to go down that path again...

I know of at least two guys who I cared for, even loved and whom I could have made very happy, had they given me a chance.

But obviously neither of them could see how loving and sensitive I am and the goodness in me,or to believe in me... especially when they pushed me to the point of despair with their rules, their indecision and changing the parameters...the frustration in that often doesn't make me shine in my brightest light.
I am human,I feel, therefore I hurt...I am not perfect. ♥

dianne said...

Thanks April I will either email you or put my email address on my blog profile. ♥

dianne said...

Thanks dear /t. yes it is such a beautiful place, somewhere that I would like to wander.

I am intrigued by the Roman Road which winds its way all through the UK, there are some very interesting images of it and information if you care to do a Google search.

You can always depend on nature to make you happy. ♥

dianne said...

Thank you dear K9, you can see that I have insight, that I am sensitive and the 'real deal', its a shame some individuals cant see it.

Yes I know that I shouldn't let regret take away from any happiness but still it is there...

I am most grateful for the friendship I am shown here from all of my blog friends in the comments, I do care for you all.
Of course I have family and friends but at the end of the day when everyone else goes their separate ways...I am on my own. ♥

And K9 do take extra care of that little chick I know he/she is fragile and needs extra love...you are a good Mom to them and your affection will be repaid. ♥

dianne said...

Dearest Foamie, you say you don't have a romantic bone in your body but you are one of the most caring people I have met in the blogosphere.

Both you and the 'dawg' are amazing people, yes I am sensitive and caring and I know I must move forward but I'm fairly sure I will be doing it on my own.

Its not cliche Foamie dear, I am woman but I wouldn't have a 'roar' in me at the moment.

I will probably end up being that 'old lady' who lives up the road who keeps cats. ♥

J Cosmo Newbery said...

It's so unfair. Like a boxer struggling up from the canvas, fate has floored you with a nasty right cross. Thinking of you. ♡♡

dianne said...

Thank you dear Glyn, yes I do think of 'what if' and had I not been so mulled down with other responsibilities maybe I could have taken a detour along the way, I have had glimpses of other paths I would have liked to take but it was not possible.
It hasn't been all regret, there have been great moments and I do
appreciate what I have had, my children whom I love, loving parents, both good people.
I was taught from a very young age to be sensitive to the needs of others,to be selfless and appreciate the simple things in life.
I'm pleased that you enjoy the emotions I share here with you all, they are genuine and to know that is comforting. ♥

dianne said...

Ruela dear it is such a lovely place, yes it would be a nice place for a picnic...care to join me? ♥

Lee said...

What do you say? Would it be inappropriate if I send a virtual hug?

puerileuwaite said...

First off, a tip of the Pug's raspberry beret to Boneman, K9, Foam and Photo Glyn for their comments; Boneman and Photo Glyn in particular.

To a large extent, we see what we choose to see. And the filter we create for ourselves can narrow our focus on things that shouldn't matter (the past) and make us blind to present and future opportunities.

Life offers no guarantees, and soul mates for life are difficult to find, no matter who you are.

foam said...

you okay, sweetie?
i know what you've gone through these past several days has been really, really hard ..

dianne said...

Thank you dear j cosmo for your kind words and thoughts. ♡

Life is unfair to all of us at times, I'm not unique in this situation, I know many people are far worse off than I am.

I've just been 'knocked out' emotionally lately, the thing is do I just lay here or do I get up... I will have to think about that. ♡

dianne said...

Lee dear it would not be inappropriate at all...a virtual hug would be lovely...thanks for thinking of me. ♡

I still have that 'ticket for a kiss'
that you sent me for Valentine's day, I hope I get to use it before its 'use by' date or mine. ♡

dianne said...

Thank you Puggles my sweet for your thoughtful comment.

Yes, I too appreciate the comments from everyone and I think I have acknowledged all of you.

I walked around for years with 'blinkers' on but not dwelling on the past...shut myself down emotionally, it was easier to cope that way.
I have seen plenty of things that have made me want to love again and look to forward...and I didn't realise that I was still alive until I met the Celtic knight...look what that got me almost three years of frustration and heartbreak...better that I had not met him.
Then this latest guy seemed right even though there were some problems with distance,but I thought he was worth it...such a lovely man, shared a lot of my sensitivity and values, thought that would grow but no that all went awry.
I look at couples holding hands, exchanging affection, someone to share with, someone to go home with and I wanted that too...but I have given up on the idea of a soul mate, one doesn't exist for me and I know life doesn't offer any guarantees so I just go on alone like I have been doing for years. ♡

dianne said...

Thank you Foamie dearest friend, I know you understand and I still have to get through the funeral on Monday. ♡

Corby said...

Diane,

Having also just lost my dad who was my best friend in the entire world, I can relate to the feeling, but you are not alone. We can be sad together :-(

-Corby

dianne said...

Thank you dear Corby

I do know that I am not alone in this,just alone in my life... I have had so many lovely messages from friends, here at my blog and at home and I appreciate your support.
I hope you are coping a little better now, I was my Dad's best friend and being ex Navy I was his 'first mate', he actually built a boat and I helped him...so many great memories. ♡

-Dianne

/t. said...

robbie
robertson

unbound

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

dianne said...

Thank you for your thoughtfulness dear /t.,that was beautiful... my divine spirit is still within me and is boundless... my aura surrounds me, I do hope the Divine Mother will look out for me and find me. ♡

I am lost
I am lost
Has anybody seen me
I am lost

Oh nothing is forgotten
Only left behind
Wherever I am
She leads me down
Unbound

/t. said...

glad
you like

here's more robbie
with a song/video you might know

somewhere down the crazy river

from the mid-80s

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

The Phosgene Kid said...

we could start a club. Think most people thought things would be different. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, though I am relatively certain beyond being married to Mrs. Phos this ain't it.

dianne said...

Thanks dear /t.
very nice song though I'm not familiar with it, nice of you to think of me. ♡

dianne said...

You're right Phossy my dear, I didn't have a plan,just some expectations... just thought my life would be different to how it has turned out, a lot of other folks most likely feel the same about their lives.

I'm so happy that you have Mrs Phos, its so lovely to have someone to love and someone who loves you, its makes such a difference when you are loved ...that is all I have ever wanted but since I don't have a partner or soul mate just have to make the best of what I do have. ♡

The Mess said...

That feeling of loneliness is so sad. The relation you had with your father was evidently warm and you seems to be a kind warm hearted women.

I can resemble the picture, looks like the path between Farsta and Sköndal I took last summer:-) The question on what path you should have chosen in life is in a way indistinct. Here and now is the starting point each morning when you open your hmm.. green?

Come to think about this song gash! was it so many years...

Remember?

dianne said...

I didnt know where that path was dear M , it just caught my attention, a place of beauty that I would love to experience.
Yes this feeling of loneliness is so sad a t times, sometimes overwhelming.
You are a very sensitive person and I always find your words a comfort to me...you are right in saying that here and now is the starting point when I open my eyes each morning...what a lovely thing to say...yes my eyes are greenish/blue. ♡

Yes I have heard that song,thanks Belinda Carlisle... ♡

Leovi said...

Beautiful and sad poem about a moment from the road. Surely now, today, your way is more joyful. Besos.

dianne said...

Thank you dear Leovi for your thoughful comment, yes my way is more settled now as I am more accepting but alas I am still alone!

besos xoxoxo ♡