Tuesday, August 18, 2009

One Last Flower ... For Berry ...

One last flower...

All that I am

And have

Was there for you to share

But I can't force your love

It isn't there...

But after all that's passed between us

the moments we have shared

I thought our friendship

Would always be there...

Words of hurt have passed between us

But no grudges will I bear

So here is one more flower

Its beauty I will share

And wish you future happiness

Since I am no longer wanted there ...

For Berry...


Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

I am leaving the same comment here, that I have left at Berry's:

I don't know what to say... but honestly, it's usually good to be open in one's communication. Say to each other what one means, but in a polite and gentle way...

Life isn't easy, is it?!

Now everybody's gonna say it's easy for me, because me and my husband have been together for almost 3 decades... but to tell you the truth it never would have worked out if we wouldn't have been able to be very disciplined (self-disciplined, most of all!) and if we hadn't had direct and staight foreward communication at all times.

People often get quite shocked, when they hear the way we all talk to each other - very direct, cracking lots of very rough jokes and knowing no tabus at all. - Not all that romance-crap and emotional blackmail... everybody says straight out what he means - or shuts up and handles his problem until he himself is in shape to converse with the others again.

- Strict ethics and following a code of honor is the secret to our success and that's why don't only have my husband as my best and closest friend, but also my two sons.

So anybody can do it - if he/she wants to do it, but it takes good confront and no "getting lost in emotions" or the use of emotional blackmail, making people feel wrong (like just so many women do, because they feel they have no other power over the events... my mother f.ex. made a career of that and ruined our family most efficiently this way...!) - It's a perfectly normal thing to do, everybody does it, yet still it's a very destructive weapon, even though it seems like a fairly innocent emotional expression of sadness and disappointment.

I am not saying this to point fingers or to say: "Look I'm sooo much better!", I'm saying it because I have seen so much unnescessary destruction from it and because it really is something that everybody does, everywhere, but also you all should know: there is a better way and it really works!

Anyway, good luck to everybody on the subject, not just to Dianne and Berry... this is advice and my best wishes to all of you!

love, Sarah Sofia

dianne said...

Thanks dear Sarah Sofia

I think the main way to keep a friendship going is through communication but if Berry doesn't want that I cannot force him to either love me, he has said that he doesn't and now he doesnt want my friendship or any further contact with me; any e-mail I send has been filtered to spam mail and I'm not to comment at his blog... he wants no further contact with me, he has said Goodbye, he wants me to leave him alone.

This poem is not about emotional blackmail,romance or anything else.
When everything was fine with us Boney used to send me flower pics as he knows how much I love them, I would send him the same...it was just something lovely that we shared.
I don't hold grudges and there is no hate in my heart and even though he has shut me out I still have some lovely memories of conversations and special moments and I will always have them. ♡

He has moved on and because he has always meant so much to me and I have a special place in my heart for him I wish him well now and in the future.

Little Lamb said...

Pretty flower.

dianne said...

Thanks dear Lamby

yes a pretty flower, it is a yellow cosmos, I saw some over at Chickory and asked what they were, I am going to buy some seeds and plant them...they should look beautiful planted en masse amongst some green foliage plants and white daisies.
That's something to look forward to. ♡

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

Dianne, it's not true that he doesn't want to be friends or doesn't want communication from you.

But you've also gotta be reasonable: no offence, but you have acted in a very feminine way, which not many men know how to handle. I understand your reasons for it, most women are like that and there's a widely spread agreement in society that it's okay or that women even should be like this. But you've gotta see it objectively, not even form his side, just from a nutural point of view!

When one deals with other people one can not allow for any negative emotions to come in and also not for little invisible attempts of getting the real message through. menaning: only straight forward communication and completely clean hands will get one anywhere.

That's why "love" is such a messy subject and everybody falls in and out of love all the time, gets devorded non-stop... Love is considered an emotional subject and everybody thinks it's okay to do anything they want. Here in DK they say: "There are no rules in war and love", but they're dead wrong, because if you don't stick with your ROEs or respect the Conventions of Geneva, you're in big trouble, whether they catch you or not, because you, yourself still know what you've done and won't give yourself a break until it's handled... The same thing with love. Unfortunately people, in genral, don't see it this way. They think plenty of emotion, ups and downs are what love is all about and they believe one should just do as one pleases and use emotions to get what one wants.

But look around you. That's why nobody's got a relationship that works and that's why they're so many single parents and broken families...

In the presents of affinity one can get away with a couple of flaws, but sooner or later nothing is gonna work anymore and it's all falling apart unless it's build on something a little more solid than emotional behaviour: common goals and most of all ethical conduct.

Sorry if I am taking the mystic and magic out of love here. And I am not saying "You are bad and naughty..." or whatever...
I'm just telling you that's how it works in general. - You know the kind of thing why others write BS-books about the venus- and mars-crap...

And if you want a relationship with a guy - any guy - you've gotta know the rules and live by them, whether you like them or not.

Not sure if you wanted all this to be public, but then again, you made the entire thing very public in the last two posts... so I thought, I'd give my two cents worth as well...

I see so many women doing what you are doing and so many men reacting like Berry - that can't be a coincidence, can it?
So just find some nutural ground and at least be civalized friends!

dianne said...

Thanks Sarah Sofia for your most in depth comment and for kindly trying to advise me.

I think that Berry has made it very clear from his comments that he does not want to be my friend and that he doesnt want any further communication with me... these are his words here and they leave me in no doubt that when he said "Goodbye" he meant it and there is no mutual ground...but thank you anyway. ♡

Well, for what it's worth, Sarah, i like you, too, but I hope you don't have any designs on us (Dianne and I) being together.
'Cause that isn't ever going to happen.

17 August, 2009 06:29

...let me see if I get this right....
I didn't want any e-mails from you, put you in the spam filter thingie, so you want to use my blog as your own private e-mail machine?
How about just do what you keep saying that you'll do?
Stop doing this altogether.
I don't want to even read your words. They don't ring true, and I'm really done with it.
I've told you that several dozen times. Severaldozen times. And I did it nicely and without bad language. What else should I do, Dianne?
(don't say listen to you, though)
Your statement about never lying would have more impetus had you not come back so many times to tell me you wouldn't be back again.

17 August, 2009 08:56

And, will that be it, then?

Final "goodbye"?

17 August, 2009 10:39

dianne said...

You see Sarah dear that doesn't sound to me like anyone who wants to hear from me again...and he still thinks I am lying about having his picture/video 'flagged' and removed.
He is convinced it was me for some goddam reason and some people like him will just not listen when they have made up their mind that you are guilty, he is being unreasonable.
The fact that he even thought that I would stoop so low to do something like that is painful to me...I'm not spiteful or vengeful...he has upset quite a few bloggers over time, it could have been anyone, even someone trying to make me look bad in his eyes...surely he could find out who it was.

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

Oh Dianne!!!

I know he's said it, but that is what I have been trying to tell you: Women and men see things differently.

Truth is, he's a fine man and he's got a certain sense of humor when he communicates. You mustn't take all that too serious! He talks to you like he would do to anybody... and yes, you have been getting on his nerves to say it straight out... but the whole thing is just you two being on different wavelengths as far as humor and a couple of other things are concerned.
So he doesn't wanna marry you... but I am quite sure he's gentleman enough to have a civalized friendship.

However... such friendships do take place within a certain frame - you know one has to respect the limits of the other and give the other person enough space to breath... and if the other person does feel too restricted... well then people say things like Berry says. - To tell you the truth, I rather think it's funny. I mean look at the words and how he says it! This are not the words of a hatefull person, these are the words of someone with a rougher sense of humor!!! It's just sad that you take the words so seriously.

I can ensure you, he's definitely not out to hurt you!!!
It's just one person says one thing,and then one thing becomes another...

I love that sort of thing when I am writing firery dialogues in my fiction books - it's just that in real life, it's not so good, especially when one person takes it more seriously than the other.

Listen, he just needs a break. He doesn't hate you or anything like that, he just needs a little breathing space.

And yes, he doesn't seem to want a romantic relationship, but that doesn't mean, you couldn't be friends, if there could be a very relaxed atmosphere about it... know what I mean?

something else: what did you think about the advice I gave you re your son? I mean wouldn't it be wonderful, if you found something in those books that could improve his condition?

and how is the weather down there where you are? I bet your winter is much warmer than our summer!

chickory said...

cut bait!! pick up your sword, build some muscle and enjoy the beauty and goodness of life. you sacrifice the goodness of here and now by revisiting water under the bridge. remember always: its just bloggin'. its real but not real too. get out in the real world and be your charming wonderful self. if i received a note such as that above i could guaran-damn-tee ya the sender of that note would not hear from me again. no more pearls honeybun. let it go.

buck up, and love to you.

foam said...

what k9 said .. snip it ...
it should have happened a loooooooooooong time ago ...

HLiza said...

deep words..

Shwet said...

u can still have love for sm1..u r so sweet..
i wish u come out of it..very soon
this was a nice piece of poetry..
take care

findingmywingsinlife said...

The heart can be fickle at best and tumultous at worst. And when it finds itself in lonely disposition, it is never an easy thing to manage, that heart of ours. That's true for both sides of the fences (men & women). Find your balance dear. You've such good things inside of you, don't give up hope but also don't let your search for companionship drag you down either.

How is your son by the way? I've been managing my M.S. fairly well, but I remember you had said he has a difficult time with his right?

dianne said...

Sarah Sofia my dear,I know you are trying to help but you have it all wrong, I have never wanted to marry him, in fact I would not marry again.
He is a fine man, he is a good man, I have always thought that, we have many of the same ideals and interests but there is something very real missing from our friendship and that is his 'understanding and compassion' for me...I obviously annoy him on so many levels so he does't want me around, he has made that clear so its time for me to let go and move on, I am trying to so. ♡

dianne said...

Thanks my sweet Chickory you're right that note up there and other things which have been said leave me in no doubt that I am not wanted...not even as a friend...he must dislike me on so many levels.

It is my fault as well as I tried hanging on and pointing out why he should not let me go and though it hurts so much I must just let my feelings for him go and move on...

I am trying to 'buck' up but its not easy...you are a sweet friend...love to you as well. ♡

dianne said...

Thanks my sweet Foamy of course you are right but why do I feel so sad and abandoned...I thought he would always be my friend and even though he has hurt me so deeply by some of the things he has said and done I feel bad for him because this has become so public.
I would have kept it between he and myself had he not published that post about me which was very cruel and when he accuses me of having his video 'flagged' for all to see which was entirely untrue of course I am going to defend myself.
Why would he do something like that to me?
...love to you too...♡

dianne said...

Yes sweet HLiza

very deep words and sincere words from my heart... ♡

dianne said...

Thanks sweet Shwet

Yes maybe I can have love for someone
one day but at the moment I can't imagine that I could...its far too painful when it all goes wrong.

Don't worry dear I will come out of this soon enough, pleased you liked my words they were sincere and meant for him.

You take care too
love Dianne xo ♡

dianne said...

Thank you dearest April

As always wise words from you, yes it is a matter of balance and not going over the top with my feelings leaving myself exposed and vulnerable to hurt...I guess I expect too much...when I love someone I am willing to give all, say exactly how I feel without holding back, I don't believe in playing games with the feelings of others... maybe one day I will find a man who feels the same way about me but I dont hold out much hope...
I gave up on having my love returned from this man quite a while back, I was just hoping for a continued friendship, I thought that was what we had.

I'm pleased to hear that you are managing your M.S and I hope yours doesn't get any worse.
My son has primary progressive M.S (the untreatable kind), so we just take each day as it comes, thank you for asking. ♡ xo

Diane said...

I'm so sorry this has all happened. I hope you can move on knowing you did your best. Some relationships simply aren't meant to be... or maybe they're meant to be exactly what they are -- learning experiences. XOXO

dianne said...

Thanks Diane my dear friend...yes it is regrettable and all very sad...I can't help but feel sad for him too because he is a good person...

I knew it would never be a relationship in the true sense of the word but what we did have was quite lovely, well I thought so... I still don't understand what has happened, what I have done wrong to make him have this change of heart...I hoped we would always be friends.
Thank you for stopping by. xo ♡

X. Dell said...

The saddest thing about a broken heart: the loss of the company, the companionship, the friendship.

dianne said...

Yes dear X.Dell that is so true, it is a loss, a loss of someone I care so much for...a loss of the words and thoughts we shared...a loss of his humour... a loss of his friendship and I still don't know 'why'...♡

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

I think "moving on" sounds like a good thing to do!!!

What about the things I suggested in connection with your son's condition?
Have you looked into that?
I mean here you have a huge and really terrible problem and possibly a solution which might work. Don't you wanna check it out?

The Mess said...

Think if you had that little machine, some radio looking stuff where you could monitor other persons thoughts. Just point the antenna at them and then listen to their thoughts..

So handy to know.

I would have had great use of it when meeting some girls.. Although they could be a bit suspicious about you sitting and pointing at them with the antenna and having earphones :-)

dianne said...

Sarah dear friend

I am not going to worry about it any more, the whole thing has turned into a soap opera/ drama / circus/ French Farce/ tragic comedy, has gotten completely out of hand and I just dont care any more...
I should have just let you all think that I'm just like the person Boneman portrayed me as, "manipulating","jealous of his female friends","making his life miserable", "trying to run his blog", I've heard it all before just like the last time he publicly attacked me...
then there would not have been all of this rubbish flying backwards and forwards.

I know the truth and that is all that matters.

So lets get on with peaceful blogging!

Yes dear, thank you, I will look into those treatment options for M.S. ♡

dianne said...

M dear,
I guess that little machine would be helpful sometimes in finding out if people are genuine or not but sometimes its best not to know what they are thinking...there has to be some mystery or life would be pretty mundane.

If I was a girl and you were pointing your antenna at me you might not want to know what I am thinking...Lol...I love how you think of these things, such an inventive mind you have my dear. ♡ xo

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

I actually think, one can very easily know what other people think and truely mean by simply observing their actions and not listening all too much to what is comming out of their minds.

So I know very well what I see and that what I have observed is the truth.

Fact is: Berry is an honest and genuine person. That IS his problem!!! he says a lot of things which just come out, where he means no harm, but he's not really into sorting it all out the right way, before he talks to a lady... He's simply got a certain sense of humor and a way of communicating which does not get received optimally by someone who's more lady-like. - Two different worlds and the communication sucks!

You're both speaking in a different language, that's all. Nobody means to hurt or harm, you're both good people.
One BIG communicationproblem and lots and lots of misunderstandings.

But don't you accuse him of being dishonourable and deceiving - if that was what you meant?
That would not be right.

Anyway, glad you wanna move on and even more important that you check out the options for your son. i am really looking foreward to you doing so and hope you can find constructive things that will help you both. because this is a fait none of you deserves!

dianne, I have just posted something that should cheer you up:


dianne said...

Sarah dear friend

I know Berry is an honest and genuine person, why do you think I care about him so much and I wasnt saying that he is deceiving or dishonourable...he does however have a quick temper and doesn't stop to think before he attacks verbally and he did say those things about me maybe in a fit of rage... I really don't know why,he quickly removed the post after I commented but some others did see what he had written.
He did the same thing to me last year when he had one of his tamtrums over something I had supposedly done, there have been smaller volcanic eruptions since, along with a public apology.
I dont know why he does this to me he has also upset others who have not bothered to come back, so please don't be too judgemental on my behaviour, I have stuck by him through many volatile outbursts without making a word of complaint. ♡

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

did you look at the award I gave you?


J Cosmo Newbery said...

There is much wisdom (and peace of mind) in knowing when it is time to move on. Chasing the unattainable is a recipe for misery. The future is there waiting for you, grab it with both hands.

♺ All words used in this comment may be recycled. ♺

dianne said...

Thank you dear J Cosmo

for your kind words...you are quite right, some things aren't meant to be and wishing for them only causes heartache,I have to change, from now on its just one day at a time with me. xo ♡

dianne said...

Thank you for my award Sarah dear, I have been over to your blog to thank you and I have posted the award in my sidebar...thanks for all of your advice and help as well, it is appreciated.

Love to you xo ♡

Mariana Soffer said...

My darling, and I can see you wanted to share and enjoy the beautifull flower but you coud not do it the way you wanted. Remember that people s egos many times get in the way of their own happines and of course also on the way of the happines of those who are arround them.
Cheear up, you are happy, and you can be with people more enlightening.

dianne said...

Thank you Mariana you are very sweet, thank you for your kind words...sadly some things don't work out as we would hope, relationships are very complex sometimes... but I will try to cheer up and be happy. ♡