Thursday, February 19, 2009


Hurt turns to anger
in the cold light of day
Now its time for me
to have my say

You don't exist for me
you are no more
Dont come near me again
you are wanted no more

You strung me along
like you did before
Gave you too many chances
wont do that no more

Forgiven you too many times before
never again, no more chances
You will hurt me no more

I trusted you and what have you done
broken my heart
And brought me undone

Maybe I wanted too much of your time
but it would not have mattered
If you were really mine

You showed me no loyalty
never stood my my side
Never believed me
when someone else conspired

What happened to honesty?
that was your big thing
So judgemental of me
but you lied all along

What happened to friendship?
or even to love
I gave you my heart
I gave you my love

Hurting so much now
so much pain
This feeling of emptiness
I know will remain

Called out to you for help
when I needed you most
But you just ignored me
left me lost

You never thought of me
with any regard
Just some kind of plaything
someone to discard

No longer on the roller coaster
of your tormenting ride
All your rules of engagement
no-one could abide

You have broken my heart
I'm breaking inside

But look at you
you just carry on
no-one is aware of the damage you've done

Laughing and mocking
without a care in the world
Now I feel no love for you
nothing at all...

Poem by Dianne


findingmywingsinlife said...

This is so emotional...

I hope you are o.k.??? I do not know you very well,and I do not presume to know what prompted the writing of this, but I will keep u in my thoughts..its seems many people I know are having issues with matters of the heart..

J Cosmo Newbery said...

If he doesn't exist anymore, perhaps it is time to let him, and all the hurt he carries, go?

dianne said...

Dear findingmywingsinlife ,
thank you dear, you are most kind.

No I am not OK...yes it is emotional, very very sad, death of a loving friendship I wanted and needed so much.
I thought he might understand how much he has hurt me by these words written here, give him a taste of how it feels...but I doubt that he feels anything for me now. ♥

dianne said...

But dear j cosmo , you know how love is, he does still exist for me...very much so...despite all of the pain its hard to let go...that would mean that all is gone, I know it has but I can't accept it yet. ♥

Lee said...

I wish I had a magic wand, Dianne.

How are you going to move forward?

dianne said...

Lee dear, thanks I wish you did too.

I cant move forward... I have too much affection invested in this man. ♥

Lee said...

What would have to change to let you permit yourself to move forward?

dianne said...

Lee dear, time I think and facing up to reality but I cant let go just yet even though I know I'm not wanted. ♥

Lee said...

I wonder what's stopping you.

dianne said...

Lee , that he might have a change of heart, because deep down he is a lovely guy, though he is quick to temper and he exasperates me sometimes but the good far outweighs the bad.
I thought he was my soul mate. ♥

Lee said...

OK. I'll leave it be. Thinking of you and hoping that you heal and move forward soon. You will know when to do that.

dianne said...

Lee I went to your blog to thank you for taking the time to talk to me, that was very kind of you.
I don't know what to do, guess I will work something out. ♥

Aren O. Týr said...

Excellent painting. She looks, simultaneously, both dead and yet full of life, and so perhaps that is the mixed message on numerous levels in the image.

There is also a potent eroticism and sensuality that just lightly teases the viewer.

Who is the artist?

Aren O. Týr said...

People frequently advise one to "accept and move on", but I find that time only heals very gradually, and always much slower than you would wish, and that the length of time is in proportion to the depth of feeling you had towards the particular person, and finally that, unfortunately, it inevitably progresses at its own pace.

Not particularly helpful, I know, but I suppose the only solace we can draw is that things do move on, and loss brings one great gift: we appreciate, and above all cherish, with ever heightened intensity, that what is truly important in life.

I still have no one, and nothing seems to ever be happening in that regard... but the one thing I do know, is that when she does eventually arrive (as, surely she must, one day...?), it will be all the more special because of it.

Life is in the story, I suppose :-)

dianne said...

I'm so pleased I came back to this post Aren , I didn't realise you had left two comments.

Yes the painting is interesting on so many levels, to me it says that she had so much to offer, her sensuality and beautiful demeanor but she has died maybe from a broken heart and sadness and the dove has given her peace in death. I don't know what the pigeon is supposed to represent here.
I'm sorry there was no artists name given,it was a painting that touched me and I copied it.

Yes the healing power of time is very slow and one has to live through every day of anguish and hurt as best they can.
There is no miraculous cure for a broken heart and even after much time echoes of the pain still remain.
I know I have much to be grateful for and am thankful for what I do have and I would never want to lose that.
I do get on with my life, I have to.
But I crave some personal happiness, I need to be loved,I want to share with someone and as the years pass that becomes more unlikely.

You are only young and I know you have so much to offer, I read your words and I can feel what you say. I do hope you find that special girl, you deserve the best and she will be most fortunate to have found someone as special as you. ♥

Photo Glyn said...

Dear Dianne

I wrote a comment on this post but it doesn't seem to have show up at all! :-( Anyway others have touched on my own thoughts about this since! Briefly though, having been there TWICE in my shortening life, I empathise heartedly, BUT, and this is the big BUT - change can have HUGE benefits, and the fun and joy of discovering someone new, though never replacing love for an existing person, can be damn fun, heart-warming and this is the BIGGEST point - It makes you realise that there really isn't "the one" but actually hundreds and hundreds of people out there who can make you feel totally special and wanted and respected - each time I thought I'd lost a life long partner, a new and even more important person turns up!!!!

Each new lover brings a wealth of new ideas and experiences to our lives, enriching us enormously. Be thankful that you've had some wonderful love from your ex, thank him for that always (in your head of course!!!) but now get ready to thank the new guy for what he will definitely bring you.

The ONLY good thing about too many humans on this precious earth is that there is subsequently also a huge number of people to love and be loved.

The voice of experience here says look forward to your new opportunities and for certain, move on with a happy heart!

dianne said...

Dear Glyn

Thank you so much for your lovely comment and your encouraging words. You say your 'shortening' life, I do hope that you are not ill.
Yes I do realise that there is joy in discovering someone new and sharing new things with a new partner.
So far there has been my ex and there were very many happy years there to look back on, another guy I called my Celtic Knight, no relationship there, that ended in disaster if you read some of my earlier posts and this man who fascinates me, an internet friendship/romance which runs smoothly for a while then it goes awry, then we are back together again but this time I think it is over. I know, not a good way to have a friendship/romance as it is frustrating.
You see I don't get out much socially because of my son who has MS, I am his carer and I take care of my elderly Dad.
I am not unattractive, look much better in person and have been asked out quite a few times but by no-one who has appealed to me either physically or intellectually.
I wont go to bars and places like that trying to pick up men even though I threatened to in my post on February, 19, that was just disappointment and angst, I would never just go with anyone, I would have to know them and have an emotional attachment...that's just how I am.
So I don't know what to do, I am still hurting and I hope this will pass in the months ahead.I don't know what the future will hold for me... I think I am going to end up as an old maid who owns three cats, not a great future for someone who is so passionate about love and life. ♡

Photo Glyn said...

Hiya Dianne

NO! I'm not dying, well no more quickly than anyone else but thanks for your concerns :-)No, it was deliberately dropped into my comment because life is too damned short and flying by quickly! I am approaching my mid 40s and at this half way mark, it becomes strikingly obvious that if you want to make changes, or need to do things in your life, that you really have to get on with it before it's too late!

For someone like you, who has a lot to offer, my hint is to just go forward and (almost) don't look back. Until you can let go of the old you can't embrace the new, for sure!

I am sorry to hear that you are a little bound by circumstance (no matter how wonderful the object of that circumstance) and I don't know how I would cope in your situation, especially with regards to socialising, but I have a few friends who have found love AND marriage through the internet so just keep writing and 'putting yourself about' (virtually speaking !!) and I'm sure someone will find you!

The WORST scenario is that you are trapped AND you are unhappy. PS The really good guys and they DO exist, will deal with your difficult circumstances if they can equally revel in your happiness, wit and sexiness!

Photo Glyn said...

Interesting people of either sex will also want to see the really positive happy sides about you, in addition to sympathising with your sadness - so make sure every other post shows all your positive energies as well!! :-) You never know, it may be the catharsis you need ?:-)

dianne said...

Hi again,
Well I'm pleased to hear that you aren't dying, though we are all headed in that direction sooner or later. :-)
You see you are still young and a male and you are approaching your mid forties, I really do think it is easier for a man to get out and about and meet someone, I think you get more social opportunities than women and if you are out 'looking' it is not frowned upon. I turned 48 last November, this is when I started to really look at my life and thought another birthday alone, then Christmas and the disappointment of Valentine's day.
I know there are good guys out there, that's what was so special about the Irish fellow,we just got on so well, I enjoyed his company immensely.
He and my son got on so well, but it wasn't to be, he was trying to sort out things with his former partner and in the end they were married but he neglected to tell me and I waited and waited.
I still miss him even though he could have been more honest with me, though after a while he said he couldn't give me what I wanted but we could be friends; that was fine with me but his wife put a stop to that and I guess you cant blame her as there was definitely a 'spark' between us and if she had not come back I would be with him now.
I am a happy person normally, I enjoy interacting with people, so once I start to get back to my normal self I'm sure everyone will notice a positive difference.
And yes you can meet someone great on the Internet, my friend met her American husband from San Diego on the Net, they are happily married with three children.
I guess I have to live life day to day and not let any opportunity pass me by.
Thank you so much for your positive words, they have brightened my day. ♡

Leovi said...

Este intenso poema me recuerda que: con frecuencia tropezamos tantas veces en la misma piedra que, o se rompe la piedra, o nos rompemos nosotros. Besos.

Leovi said...

This intense poem reminds me: often we encounter so often in the same stone, or crushed stone, or we break us. Besos.

dianne said...

Thank you dear Leovi for your thoughtful comment, don't worry, I was very hurt but I did not let this break or destroy me.

Besos xoxoxo ♡

Anonymous said...

Did you manage to be healed?

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