Sunday, October 5, 2008

JEALOUSY & RAGE


Jealousy, the green eyed monster, a very destructive emotion. I don't know whether any of you have ever experienced this emotion but I am ashamed to say that it has crept into my thoughts just recently; I should not have let it get the better of me, I am better than this.
I have said things that are so unlike me and probably hurt the recipient and now he most likely thinks I'm a monster . I have been feeling so hurt; you put your trust in someone because you genuinely care for them and hope that they will feel the same about you. They say sweet things to you and you believe them thinking this is something really beautiful that you are sharing.

But you are so blinded by your love and emotions that you don't realise that there is someone else there as well, who is tempting your lover away from you, with her pretense of helplessness, saying all of the right things that he wants to hear, promising delights that turn him on, you don't know maybe she is more beautiful and sexy and appeals and fascinates him more. You dont stand a chance he has fallen for her charms and you know you are fighting a losing battle.

She wins in the end and he leaves you behind in a confused, broken-hearted mess, a miserable, crying shadow of whom you really are feeling betrayed trying to pick up the pieces of your life. You pour out your heart, all of the rage you have expressed, pleading dont throw what we have away ,trying to make him see things from your point of view but this has just alienated you even more, he doesn't want to listen. You are left with a feeling of exhaustion and emotional emptiness. I guess you get so much more with honey than by being truthful.

Now the preceding two paragraphs are about something that happened in the past. Yes the little 'fling 'that caused so much hurt didn't last and guess what, he wanted me back. I never stopped loving him so I thought we could try again and I would give him another chance. I didn't mention the affair again or throw it back in his face because that would have been destructive. It took me a long time to trust him again and open myself up completely to him as I was still nursing my wounds and they hadn't completely healed.

All went well for quite a few months then he did it to me again...that was it as far as I was concerned, all that hurt for nothing and then my trust being shattered once more, I felt like I had lost all of my self esteem for being such a fool. So I told myself no more and have shut myself down ever since and not let anyone else get too close.

Then just recently I met someone really nice who seemed to open up my heart again and I felt that warmth of love, but the situation is impossible and I hoping for too much have blown it by being demanding and wanting to be loved again so much, he doesn't seem to feel the way I do, so I have accused him of wanting someone else, the jealousy thing again and now I have lost once more. I think I will just dig a hole and bury myself.

And guys even though I love and admire you, sometimes you are so taken in by these women you sometimes only think with your dicks and not your brains. Sorry but I had to say it ; next time your eyes start to wander make sure you are not leaving behind the best girl you will ever have. . .

35 comments:

The Mess said...

So let the rage come out and don't keep the bad things inside you. I use to go out and chop wood when I get really angry.

There is something deep in the DNA that affect the male gender to attractive women. I admit I am totally hopeless at looking on women. It's just so pleasent to let your eyes rest on females, warms up the heart..

dianne said...

M my dear, I have let out the rage, I do it by writing my thoughts.
There is nothing wrong with guys looking at girls that's a natural thing, but they should think carefully before they just throw away someones hopes and dreams and the life they had together.
I know it happens its just that it hurt so much when it happened to me. :) xoxoxo ♥

The Mess said...

You have a warm heart Dianne..

/t. said...

a girl
to stop wandering eyes

a girl to go blind by(!)

is the best

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

ANNA-LYS said...

Why do we women put it on ourselves? They are but ani-males, we can't expect them to be more, can we?

I think every woman should start to have relations with a couple of men at the same time. Maybe, it works better, coz ani-males like to live in in packs.

;-)

puerileuwaite said...
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puerileuwaite said...

I don't know how similar my situation is to yours, but I've hurt too. It all started one day in the local drive-through. I asked the attractive girl working the window, "Do fries come with that shake?". Sure, it was a cheesy line, but it must have struck a chord. She gave me free fries, signaling her interest. In the ensuing weeks, I would stop by each day; and each day she would give me more free fries. Then one day I got up the courage to go in and ask for her number. Patiently I waited by the side of the counter, close to her, waiting for my fry girl to go on break so we could talk. Silently in ever-increasing horror I noticed that she was putting out free fries to everyone who purchased a shake! I was crushed. Then, out of the corner of my teary eye I spotted it: the promotional banner for the franchise's "Free Fries With Each Large Shake" campaign. I had ignored the signs and surrendered to my impulses, choosing my own reality instead of the glossy marketing truth. At that precise second, I chose to learn from my mistake, and vowed to change my ways. From this moment on, I would along patronize the "Jamba Juice"* (* a chain specializing in healthy, low-calorie energy drinks) across the mall parking lot. Good thing, too. Because it was there that I spotted her: my new passion fruit. She was with another male, but I think it was her manager; because he had a receding hairline, a uniform, and a clipboard. I guess the moral of this story is that love doeesn't have to cost a thing, provided that one pays attention to the signs, and the specials in particular. One closed sliding plexiglass window may close, but there's always another, somewhere conveniently located, waiting to dish out the goods. I hope this helped.

/t. said...

puerileuwaite's
heart-warming story
brings a tear to my eye

/t.

dianne said...

Thank you M and I think you have a warm heart too and from reading the posts at your blog your words tell me that you are a very thoughtful, special guy. ♥ XO :)

dianne said...

/t. dear I think you are fortunate enough to have found your special girl. ♥ XO :)

dianne said...

Dear Anna-Lys I dont mind them looking, that's just a natural thing for males, I just object when they take the looking further when they are either in a relationship or married...but I guess that's the way some guys are they just want to take it that step further, they cant help themselves. :)

If I am in a relationship, I am with that person 100% no exceptions so I wouldn't be good at dating a couple of guys at a time and I must admit my experience has been limited, that's just the way I am.

Its not that guys dont notice me, I get offers all of the time, two strangers asked me to have coffee last week and asked for my phone number but I couldn't do that, its too risky, its difficult to meet people but I guess we dont really know anyone when we first meet them, it would be nice to meet someone through friends or something like that. ♥ xoxoxo ;)

dianne said...

Now Puggles my love that is quite a sad story with your little 'fry girl', life seems to do that to us all the time.
In a way you have done yourself a favour by crossing the mall parking lot to the Jamba juice bar, much more healthy for you than those fries and you have found a new passion girl, you can easily get rid of that guy with the clip board by wooing her with your many charms. :)
Thank you my love this has helped, watch out for the signs and when one window closes another window of opportunity may open, that's if you're very lucky.
Do you think maybe I should start hanging around our local 'Juice' bar and some health conscious,good looking guy might just happen to jog into my life? ♥ xoxoxo :)

dianne said...

/t. my dear, wipe away your tears Puggles will be OK, he has his new 'passion girl' to woo.♥ :) xox

Corby said...

When it is right it is right, I believe this even though it mostly drives me crazy lately...

-Corby

dianne said...

Yes Corby my dear, that is so true.

I seem to attract the ones I dont want and the one I want eludes me, why does love have to be so difficult.As I said over at your blog:
"The river of love is passing me by and I dont think I will ever get to swim in its waters again".

When it is right it is right, so why cant some guys wake up and see this, its so frustrating waiting around for them to make up their minds and leave you hanging in suspense. ♥ XO :)

**¤ ¤** said...

you are such a warmhearted loving woman, dianne ..
i'm sure that one of these days the right man will realize that.
XO

dianne said...

Thanks Foamie my sweet friend, well whoever he is he had better hurry up and find me 'cause I'm not getting any younger... ;)

Thanks too for stopping by I missed you this morning. :) xoxox ♥

ANNA-LYS said...

In the moment we think we know someone, we discover that it was our own fantasy we have been friend with.
So maybe, males feel that we don't care to really know them? So they keep searching to be seen from the inside by using the outside?!?

dianne said...

Dear Anna-Lys, do we ever really know someone, a lot of our perception of our partner is based on what we see or want to see and our trust in them.
Yes sometimes we project the beauty and loveliness in ourselves onto them creating a rosier picture and sometimes our belief in them does not reflect reality.
The storybook princes of our imagination are sometimes just frogs. ♥ xoxoxo :)

boneman said...
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Jean said...

Smart move, Berry :-)

boneman said...
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boneman said...
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dianne said...

Jeannie my dear, yes that was probably smart of you to give Boney (God love him) that advice or he could find himself stuck in an 'oestrogen' minefield.Lol ;) ♥ xoxox

dianne said...
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Little Lamb said...

I don't like to get jealous.

dianne said...

Neither do I Lil Lambie , its a bad thing and makes you say things you wouldnt normally say
that are hurtful and regrettable, then people dont like you any more...I know...♥

Robert V. Sobczak said...

You are so right: if the world could "cure" itself from jealousy, we'd be treading in utopia. But from a personal level, jealousy can poison our minds and our relationships. Overcoming it, and ignoring it, are the only path to happiness.

K9 said...

my best advice: be as whole as you can on your own. if my husband decided he preferred another to me there isnt a damn thing that i can do about it. im not that critical about fidelity though; a solid friendship between lovers is far more important to me.

however if the dog prefers another over me-then im am heartbroken.

dianne said...

Robert ,thank you for your comment, what you say is true.
My journey into the darkness of jealousy was on a personal level and I am ashamed of myself for having let it into my soul and for hurting someone who I care for.♥ xoxox :)

boneman said...
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dianne said...

Thanks K9 , that's good advice, I am quite content with my life and mostly happy with who I am, although I guess there is always room for improvement. I strive to be the best person I can be, not necessarily in a competitive way but on a more personal level and we learn more about life and ourselves every day.

I find that the cycles in my life are changing, as they do and find myself questioning more but not finding all of the answers. I have found that I am lonely and have a need for a close friendship with someone and some love would be welcomed.
But I can survive without it, I have had to for many years.
And dont worry about that beautiful Trout girl ever replacing you, she knows shes got the best Momma she could ever have. :) xoxox ♥

dianne said...

Boney my dearest one, you are so funny, where do you find this humour of yours?
Yes no-one had better mess with our K9 or they might regret it. :) ♥ xox

Tonka said...

My dearest Dianne

I have a wonderful friend, the nicest person that I have ever met or likely to come accross again, and although she passed away many years ago, I still consider her to be with me in the thoughts we shared, the times we spent together, and the wisdom she left me with. one of her favourite poems I will share with you and our friends on here. Maybe more men (amd women) should know this poem and maybe abide by it's message. Then again, some people just don't get messages at all. I hope you enjoy.

When you get what you want in your struggle for self, and the world makes you king for a day.

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself and see what the man has to say.

For it isn't a man's father, mother or wife, who's judgement upon him must pass.

The fellow whose verdict counts most in his life, is the man staring back from the glass.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest, for he's with you clear to the end.

And you've passed your most difficult test, if the man in the glass if your friend.

I hope you enjoy this little poem as I have lived by it over the years.

And the other thing for you to remember ths this

We know that we cannot live in the past, but remember, The past lives within us !


Hugzzz
David

dianne said...

David my dear, thank you so much for sharing with us, that is a truly beautiful poem.

Yes,we must be happy with whom we are and within ourselves before we can share our life with another.We do carry the past within us, it is part of what makes us whom we are.

I'm sorry that you lost such a wonderful friend, she sounds kind of special to me and its lovely that she is still in your thoughts. ♥ xoxoxo

Hugzz to you too my friend. :)